it's been a long day / feminist blog test run

society is making me disgusted to be an urban woman.

since reaching puberty and developing breasts at an early age, i have constantly been told to cover up. to wear training bras, cover my stomach, etc. and what was this consistent haggling actually for? to prevent my male counterparts from becoming distracted. nevermind that they were making sexual jokes about all the blossoming girls during breaks from class. "yeah man, i'd totally put my dick in her mouth." because after all, it is the girl's responsibility to to everything that she can to prevent boys from getting sexual aroused or even distracted during class, no matter how young.

so began the never-ending cycle of media and moral confusion.

when i became a teenager, everything changed because suddenly men wanted to fuck me. my skirts were too short, i was wearing too much makeup. applying makeup to my face was obviously a clear sign that i wanted to screw. and if i didn't, it was my obligation to fix it, whatever the solution may be.
then again, the media aims its advertisements on teenagers. you're not pretty unless you wear lip gloss and mascara. wash your greasy, flat hair with our coconut shampoo; the boys love it. I DON'T CARE IF THEY LOVE IT. why should i relate my body care products to attracting the opposite sex? corporations' advertising methods are truly misguided.
let's say i wanted to go au naturale. i walk into a bar and flirt a little with a man that i thought was attractive. he thinks i'm prude and boring because my hair isn't long and sexy and my eyelashes don't bat when i blink. so i come back the next day, hefty on cosmetics and tight clothes. a man approaches me, acting smooth and offering to buy me a drink. i kindly decline, saying that i'm waiting for someone. you know what he calls me? a slut. because apparently, what i'm wearing, i'm wearing it just for men. it's not for myself ever. i'm asking for it. i'm looking for sex from anyone. can't you tell by my tight clothes? but i'm just a product of the media. mindless consumer.

since when are natural bodies not preferred?

"Suddenly the drunken sweetheart appeared out of my door.
She drank a cup of ruby wine and sat by my side.
Seeing and holding the lockets of her hair
My face became all eyes, and my eyes all hands."

- Rumi

dear heaven

you do not rule me
you are not the land
the sky
the people

be still now
and know that i am god.
i own this land
i travel the sky
i control the people


the world turns differently now.
you are nothing.
i am everything.

i'm the princess.

i want all your attention
all of your knowledge, your stories
all of your skin
but none of your time

i can't even

bed

love my safe serenity
my small dark heaven
where no one can hurt me
reach me
hate me

sorry, but i think britney spears is sassy as hell

hiiiii baby

boys r so dumb

seriouslyyyy.

yeah, i said an open relationship. yeah, we can see other people. but by this, i mean i don't want to see you flirting with some bitch while i'm standing on your opposite side.
"babe, you know i want you. i'm just being friendly."

MY ASS.

violin is so intricate.
but i'm not saying this
to be arrogant
or conceited

but it's tricky
to fully master the art.

since i've changed teachers
my views have been broadened
there is so much to learn!
really
quite a bit

i mean, between two notes, there are so many styles, so many techniques to be tried out. tricks that vary from instrument to instrument. trying a measure one way, then another. pleasing the audience. inducing emotion. everything so sweet.

it's fantastic

camera bag i'm buying for the camera that i don't have yet

i want my home to be a cozy palace

pros cons

fucking hormone pills
i feel like shit

but

i had a nice coffee date with a boy today
he's very smart and interesting
so that was cool