monday night

i don't hear anything. 

nothing downstairs.

nothing upstairs. 

nothing in my room. 

nothing in my body.

i don't know who i am anymore. 

all i want to do is watch movies and cry.

that's not who i am, and i don't know what's going on. 

i've been trying so hard to surround myself with wonderful people. people who can lift me up, bring me forward into a better life. but i've been doing nothing but retrogressing. heavy-hearted. i don't know how to be here. 

i want someone to stay up and talk about things that are hard for me to talk about with me. we can lay on my bed, hold hands, talk about the past. let everything out that hurts. connect to the earth. to each other. then i won't be ill anymore. the sky will look so much brighter, right? i think so.